Off by another day. Ok so maybe it's not daily yet but this is a solid effort on my part I must say.
July is the time of year in Florida that we usually see a lot of rain. Hurricane season is indeed in full effect right now so I've been stuck inside not really doing much. Lately, this rut I've been stuck in seems deeper than usual. I've been walking in circles almost, trying to figure out what the next step in my life will be. While I'm hopeful that something great will come of these next few years and that I'll be elevated to new heights in my career path, I can't help but think that at this moment, the bump in the road is more like a lengthy pit stop at a shitty motel. I mean take a look at some people, for instance, Tavi, a blogger who was, what, 14 when she was going to fashion shows with huge designer names and writing for hundreds of thousands to read. Now she owns a super popular website, a magazine, so much accomplished and she just graduated.
With young people excelling at such a quick rate, I feel like my clock is just ticking away and I'm only nineteen. Imagine feeling like your life is already maxed out before you've even hit your twenties. It's nuts.
Right now I'm mostly getting my life on track, getting ready to head back to school (college round two) and attempting to maintain a decent enough job to keep the cash flowing my way so I can save up to something worth while. But for now, what do I do. I've sat around for hours feeling so helpless, but I tell you what, that time is over now.
I have a lot of changes heading my way. There are so many exciting things to come and so many fun things to look forward to, so why sit around and be miserable. The last few days, I've really had a huge "aha" moment. This past year, I have struggled with severe depression. Nothing but anger and rage. I would sit in my room and just stare at the walls hoping that something would just up and change me. Hoping for anything really. I prayed a few times and I don't even believe in a god. I prayed for a way out of how I was living. I begged and pleaded that something somewhere would change my luck and make things better. But outside of depressed thoughts, I know thats not going to change by some miracle. Angels won't come down and take me away to some other place. It's not how life works.
Coping with it has been hard but somehow I've found ways to get around it. Depression isn't something that just goes away; it stays with you. It'll creep up when you least expect it and I think that's one of the most terrifying thoughts about this whole situation. But a few days ago, I found a light. A huge ball of warm, glowing energy at the end of the dark tunnel. I've had such an immense burst of passion and excitement that I started to actually see ways of making myself better. Not by self medicating or sleeping in until my whole day is gone. No. But by actually maning (or womaning) up and owning my life and taking it with each day.
I'm working on myself to be the best me I can possible be. I'm quitting all my bad habits one step at a time and replacing them with good, positive ones. For instance, my body has always bothered me. Being bullied in middle school has forever put a mental strain on the way I see myself. Even though I was insanely skinny back in the highschool/jr. high days, I've since then let myself go and despite the fact that I have insanely beautiful curves that many people would go for, I just don't see it that way. So I decided that if I don't like it, I'll fix it. All of the trashy junk I eat is going right out the window (don't worry, I had my last hurrah with Taco Bell and McDonald's a few nights ago) and I'm only eating what my body will thank me for. No sodas, no fried foods, no processed garbage; just water, tea, and body-friendly foods.
After switching over for a few days, my body was already thanking me. I had less headaches than I usually do (on average I get one a day), I've felt way more energized and ready to do things, and my mood has skyrocketed. It's insane what small things can really do for you. Not to mention what it'll do for me in the long haul.
But the one thing that I'm most excited about is something I've just started doing; yoga. In the words of my dad,"Did you say Yoda or yoga. I can't tell." I know yoga is something that's been around forever. People everywhere are doing yoga and it's nothing foreign. It's just something I have always been like,"yeah I'll do that some day this week or maybe the next." Never have I actually sat down, or stood up in this case, and done it. The other night I finally said to hell with it, lit a candle, turned down the lights, and felt the energy flow throughout my body. It is truly amazing how something like this can boost your attitude so quickly. After I did a quick twenty minute beginner routine, I felt so relaxed. I got up and did chores around my apartment, I was singing, I walked and took the trash out, just small things that felt so good to do. Now, I'm doing yoga in the morning when I wake up before work and right at night before bed and I've never been happier.
So, moral of this lengthy story, if you feel like you're in a similar rut, do something new, try something new, or just do something for yourself that makes you happier. Because if you take it one day at a time, the world will seem a lot less heavier on your shoulders. I promise.
Here are the links to some yoga videos on YouTube that I highly recommend if you're just starting out with yoga or you just want to see what it's about.
xoxo
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