When In Doubt, Figure Things Out

"Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past. Let us accept our own responsibility for the future."-John F. Kennedy

Everyone has things about their life that they'd like to change. I've dug myself into more holes than imaginable and sometimes it's just hard to figure things out. I hate feeling like I can't do something for myself or that I've done something that I can't fix for myself. I guess I've always been independent like that. But more so than recently, I've felt the floor of rock bottom and it's hard to accept reality. 

Before I ramble on about the woes of my life, I don't want to piss anyone off or make anyone think "Oh, she still has it good and yet she has the audacity to come and complain about how hard her life is." This isn't a "my life is worse than yours" competition. If I want to share my personal experiences on my blog in hopes to inspire or help teach a lesson I've learned, than I will. But I in no way am trying to brag about how much I've screwed up or anything. 

I guess this year just hasn't been all too kind on me. I mean, it's been okay, but I've had more "Oh crap" moments than anything. As you guys may or may not know, depending on if you read my blog at all, I got into a University that I worked really hard at trying to get into. I was so stoked to move out and be on my own and figure out what life had in store for me. To save you guys the story, I just realized that University wasn't for me. I know this happens to a lot of people, but I'm taking it kind of hard. I can't help but think that I'm a failure or that I'm giving up. My dad and mom were so proud of me to go off and accomplish things at University but overtime they could tell that I just wasn't happy anymore. 

I would come home upset, not wanting to talk about how my classes were or how my roommate was because I was just so bored with it and so unhappy with my experience. But I'm transferring to a community college because I don't want to just stop my education, University life just wasn't what I wanted. So now it's up to me to figure everything out. 

Work has literally been the best way to get my mind off of everything so that's always a help but it's just hard to balance everything when you're so stressed. It's made me tired to the point where I just want to sleep all day and not leave my room. I partially moved back into my house and am hoping to just figure things out while I'm here. 

So here's where I am; I'm at a point where I've accepted that I've failed or that I have no other choice but to move forward. I'm going to get healthier, I'm going to focus on school when Spring term starts and balance my work, I'm going to save my money, I'm going to be so dedicated to my blog and YouTube so I can grow overtime and hopefully accomplish everything and more. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that just because you've messed up or failed, you always have options. There will always be something there for you that you can work towards. It may not be ideal, but you need to do something in order to work back up. Make a vision board, write things down, make lists, do anything that can inspire you to be the person you want to be. Because at the end of the day, you're the one who has to look yourself in the mirror. No one else is going to figure your life out for you.

-Cassidy