So I found myself being rather stressed latley. More so than ever. It was last week of high school, tests are killing me and it seemed that my "friends" are fleeting. I've been stressed out, upset, anxious, practically every feeling that contains bad energy, I've experienced. It had to be something in the water because quite literally, it felt like my world was crashing down. Now I'm sitting around the bits and pieces and deciding what I need to do because it's really not going to get better unless I try.
I don't know who reads my blog. Wether it be some girl who's looking up a review for some mascara or someone who's just as bored as me, I really don't know my demographic. I don't get any feedback so how could I? All I hope is that you take something out of what I'm about to say and that is if you want a change, don't expect it to just happen. I've been in such a severe rut the past few weeks and I cannot tell you how excruciatingly painful it is to try and get out of it. I've tried to get out of the house more, I've tried to write more, really anything to spark a change. While I sat in defeat, I looked around. Dirty clothes, papers splayed out, shoes in different spots, just looking at my room stressed me out. So I cleaned it. And I know you're like "Okay, you cleaned your room, what does this have to do with change?" Well I'll tell you my unidentified reader, it has everything to do with change. After I did something for myself, for my room, I felt better. It was a slight pick me up that I needed. I organized everything, it felt fresh, like a new start. After this happened, I kind of realized that this was more so my "aha" moment. Lame, I know, but stick with it for a minute.
I can't let the small things get me down. It's a lot more than just school I'm dealing with, I have some family issues (some is a rather large understatement..) and a lot of challenging factors that I'm going to have to overcome to really get through this next phase of my life. For instance, I was sitting around today, feeling pretty crummy about myself, and then I was on FaceBook and saw that my ex, a person I really cared about, had just gotten engaged. He was a little older so it's not like he's still in high school, he's still young, but regardless I'm really happy for him. I was shocked though. Then I went through and found a couple of my older friends, ex's, all of them and they all had these new lives. I didn't expect them to stay the same, but they'd all changed and grew and moved onto these fantastic things. And what was I doing? Sitting on my laptop, looking at all these people who I used to know and wished that I could move on and grow like they had.
Maybe I haven't done enough "adult" things to really feel like I've grown yet. I mean, I've matured a lot in the past few months, but nothing like other people. I guess you can't base your life off of everyone else, but it sure does suck when they can all have their new lives and all you can do is sit here and pray for change. I'm in a rut. I know I am. And I'm working out of it. My room was the first step, now I just have to clean up my life (told you that cleaning analogy would stick). Now, if you want, comment. I want to talk to you. I want to connect. I want to know who you are. I want a base of supportive, similar people. Don't be afraid. If you're going through the same thing, let me know. Tell me your story. Let's all change together.
Until next time
I don't know who reads my blog. Wether it be some girl who's looking up a review for some mascara or someone who's just as bored as me, I really don't know my demographic. I don't get any feedback so how could I? All I hope is that you take something out of what I'm about to say and that is if you want a change, don't expect it to just happen. I've been in such a severe rut the past few weeks and I cannot tell you how excruciatingly painful it is to try and get out of it. I've tried to get out of the house more, I've tried to write more, really anything to spark a change. While I sat in defeat, I looked around. Dirty clothes, papers splayed out, shoes in different spots, just looking at my room stressed me out. So I cleaned it. And I know you're like "Okay, you cleaned your room, what does this have to do with change?" Well I'll tell you my unidentified reader, it has everything to do with change. After I did something for myself, for my room, I felt better. It was a slight pick me up that I needed. I organized everything, it felt fresh, like a new start. After this happened, I kind of realized that this was more so my "aha" moment. Lame, I know, but stick with it for a minute.
I can't let the small things get me down. It's a lot more than just school I'm dealing with, I have some family issues (some is a rather large understatement..) and a lot of challenging factors that I'm going to have to overcome to really get through this next phase of my life. For instance, I was sitting around today, feeling pretty crummy about myself, and then I was on FaceBook and saw that my ex, a person I really cared about, had just gotten engaged. He was a little older so it's not like he's still in high school, he's still young, but regardless I'm really happy for him. I was shocked though. Then I went through and found a couple of my older friends, ex's, all of them and they all had these new lives. I didn't expect them to stay the same, but they'd all changed and grew and moved onto these fantastic things. And what was I doing? Sitting on my laptop, looking at all these people who I used to know and wished that I could move on and grow like they had.
Maybe I haven't done enough "adult" things to really feel like I've grown yet. I mean, I've matured a lot in the past few months, but nothing like other people. I guess you can't base your life off of everyone else, but it sure does suck when they can all have their new lives and all you can do is sit here and pray for change. I'm in a rut. I know I am. And I'm working out of it. My room was the first step, now I just have to clean up my life (told you that cleaning analogy would stick). Now, if you want, comment. I want to talk to you. I want to connect. I want to know who you are. I want a base of supportive, similar people. Don't be afraid. If you're going through the same thing, let me know. Tell me your story. Let's all change together.
Until next time
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