So I should probably be the last person to give relationship advice, but I've been in such a weird mood lately that I feel like I'm a decent enough source to cite for when someone is lost and needs a little help.
My first boyfriend was an ass. I'm going to start off by saying that so there is no confusion in how I feel about it. He played me like a fiddle and I'll never forgive myself for that. But when you're so young, I feel like you're so much more susceptible to being hurt because you're not sure what actual feelings and love is yet. Anyways, he was a nice guy when we dated, but out of the blue, he wanted to break up. He called me and told me that I was constantly detached from him, that I never showed any sign of care for him, and he made me feel like complete and total crap. We continued this on and off again thing of meeting up ever so often and every time that happened, feelings would just flood back in for him. I had such a soft spot for him, and even after a few years, I still did. I saw him at my work and I felt like I was back in eighth grade. He told me to text him, and when I did, he never responded. I walked right into the same trap I did four years ago, and I'll never let that go.
Since him, I'd only dated a few people. Nothing was ever serious and I could never be happy with anyone because I was constantly comparing people to the first guy I dated because I thought he was so amazing. But that's where I was way wrong. I'd built him up in my head and that is one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. I constantly worry that I missed out on something special because I could never be happy with anyone. More recently, the last two guys I've talked to, I found something really special with one, or so I thought. I did so much for him cause I guess I missed being in a relationship so badly, that I was willing to put so much effort forth and one day, after weeks of talking and spending time together, he just flat out told me he wasn't interested in dating and that he didn't want a girlfriend, but that he would let me know when he did.
Now, I feel like I'm in the same position. I fell for a guy who is still with his girlfriend at the moment and everything is just this huge muddled mess. I don't want to go too much into that but you understand the gist I suppose.
So this is where I come in. This will be my little tidbit on relationships and all that shit. First of all, I just want to say, be smart. Don't be an idiot like me. Everyone makes mistakes when dating, thats natural, but I've made enough mistakes to go around for everyone. Just be smart about who you date, don't date anyone who's still romantically involved with anyone else or who's only interested in having sex with you. If theres one thing about people, it's that you cannot change them. Don't go dating some ex-con who is riddled with a drug addiction thinking, "Oh, maybe they'll be like Jesse from Breaking Bad and I can fix them!" It is not your job to fix people. People will not fix themselves or change for you. Just like you won't change for someone else, it's the same way around. I had a teacher who was talking to me and my friend, laughing as I was talking about the school's self proclaimed bad boy, acting as if I could date him and uncover his heart of gold. He gave me one of the best tid bits I could ever take from someone about relationships. "Women will always think that they can change people. You can't. You can't fix someone. They have to fix themselves. If you wait around trying to fix them, you're missing out on ten more guys who are waiting and willing to be with you. And the best part about them is they don't need to be fixed."
I say this because it can be hard. You think that someone really deserves love and you want to give it to them, but sometimes it just won't happen for you. And that's the next piece of advice; don't beat yourself up. Face it; not everyone is going to love you. But there will be people who do. Just like your friends and family, there will always be those fish in the sea that will love every single aspect about you, so don't worry about that one person who didn't see the specialness of you because those people aren't worth it. I know, everything sounds so cheesy when you put it that way, but if you don't have that level of love for yourself, you shouldn't be dating.
That leads into my last, and most important piece of advice; work on yourself before a relationship. If you're not completely okay with yourself, relationships will be harder to manage. You cannot constantly feel down on yourself because it's just going to make your partner feel like you're always looking for sympathy. I know some people feel better when they have a boyfriend or girlfriend and being codependant isn't necessarily a bad thing, but from my experience, it's always best to come to a relationship with all of your confidence and all of your self-worth.
Honestly, dating is different for everyone. Hopefully this helps, I'm not sure, I'm just hopeful. If anything, watch some Mike Falzone videos on YouTube because he gives a lot of wise words. Love you guys.
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